5/10/08

messy rooms and patience



Today I had my day off at home, or at least 3 hours inbetween dropping L. off at preschool, picking up things at the seamstress, buying some things for the film, doing errands to be prepared for the long weekend, and picking up L. after school.
My plan was to do:
+ laundry ( minimum 3 machines)
+ tidying up the appartment and getting rid of winter stuff
+ vacuumcleaning
+ paying accounts
+ answering job mails
+ doing tax
+ checking and packing some things in my studio, on the way postoffice and drycleaner
+ post something here

I managed not to loose my contenance, which I ausually do after I decided it’s time to tidy up after coming home while working abroad.
Normally I start getting things done but after a while my phantasy is exaggerating everything, I start imagining scyscraperhigh piles of un-p.c. plastictoys, tons of newspapers, dirty clothes, unfinished things and dust and dirt, a terrible mess everywhere.
It is like a grotesque distortion, I am completely convinced that I will not be able to clear the chaos and I usually have a small nervous breakdown and finally I pitty myself and then get a quarter of the things done which is enough to calm down.

Today I managed to stay relaxed, tried to find beauty in the mess an praised my family for beeing able to survive and have a lot of fun without me taking care and took the pictures above.
After I had a look at them on my computerscreen this feeling of loosing control came back, I realized that I had not understood a single thing about handling the new camera not to talk about exposure or aperture settings. Every bad picture was twice in the folder and every copy had a strange effect...
Fortunately I got a call at this moment and I decided that having done 3,5 things of the list is better than nothing and that it is time to improve my capacity of patience, got my things packed and spent a very nice afternoon with little L., even with searching hard but finally finding very much needed shoes for her. She was so patient, my wonderful daughter who sometimes is so surprisingly wise.

3 comments:

lk said...

It is so interesting to read how you tick. You can see we are all so different, but to understand you have to know whats going on inside. I am the corntrary. When the mess piles up, i become more and more lethargig bis hin zur vollständigen lähmung.

Don't worry about the camera. the nce thing is, you don't have to understand it at all and still be able to take nice pictures. I bought my camera because i wanted to have full controll and now i use the automatic settings most of the time. it is easy, it is quick and it works! no time to fuss around. Just enjoy!
love lki

ola said...

every evening i come home i have to get used to the chaos the boys create during the day otherwise my evening would be a catastrophy each day;but during some weekends then.. i would like go on writing about it; i guess you felt better after writing about it...i laughed about your post; a comfortable chaos you have; it does not even look like real chaos, more like a inhabited space; i need sometimes, that people come and do not realize how messy it is, then i come down about it;

AG said...

Elke, I finally enjoyed playing around with the camera and relaxed, I ended up using the semi automatic mode, it is all about patience and being confident...
I wish I would have some of your Gelassenheit.
Ola, oh yes it was a big relief writing about it, I felt silly doing it but it is such a big part of my live keeping all that things together and not getting hysteric, glad to make you laugh, thats exactly how it always feels in the end, ridiculous and yes it helps if people don`t see the mess...

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